Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
