her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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