the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
