I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
