upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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