i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
