i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
