she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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