Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
