I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I feel great
I just peed on a car
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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