My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Randomize
