Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
