what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
