You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
