Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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