just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
