I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I could fuck to npr.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
