Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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