i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
