How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Everclear isn't food dammit
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
