I heard we made out
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize