everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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