Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
