my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
