she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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