the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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