Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
