Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
