Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
