just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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