Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Barsexuality is the new black.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
