It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize
