Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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