I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I intend to get homeless drunk
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
