his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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