I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
