So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize