they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
