I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
