she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize