In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
