"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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