So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i would one night stand the shit outta him
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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