literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
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she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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