i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Randomize
