pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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