so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
