Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
