im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
