I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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