i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
