OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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