You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
