Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
