I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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