We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
