just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize