when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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