it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
