Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Randomize
