Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
