Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
So. Much. Porn.
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