If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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