So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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