You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
