If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
