Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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