And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
